All the pupils in the class are Wallabies fans except for one pupil who is a Springbok fan. Teacher wants to know why and pupil says becos her mum and dad are Springbok fans. Teacher reminds pupil that she does not have to always follow mum and dad becos what would she be if mum and dad were morons. Pupil then says in that case she would be a Wallabies fan!(tailpiece...The Mercury)
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started." Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?" The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster." Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh. .. . ... . .. "Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
A blonde is on board a small two-seater airplane when suddenly the pilot dies. Not knowing how to fly a plane she grabs the radio. "Mayday, mayday! My pilot just died!" Ground control receives her call for help and answers back: "Don't worry, madam. I'll talk you down, just do as I say. First I need you to give me your height and position." Blonde: "I'm 5"2' and sitting in the right front seat." Ground control (sighing deeply): "Repeat after me: Our Father... which art in Heaven..."
A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe a tear from his eye and take a sip of his coffee. "What's the matter dear? Why are you down here at this time of night?" she asked. "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating and you were only 16?" he asked. "Yes I do." she replied. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?" "Yes I remember." "Do you remember your father when he shoved that shotgun in my face and said.'Either you marry my daughter or spend twenty years in jail'?" "Yes I do", she replied. He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, " You know I would have gotten out today."