Embattled power distributor Eskom has won the praise of government after vowing to keep rolling blackouts to a minimum by burning Zimbabwean banknotes in some of its coal-fired power stations. In a report to the Public Protector's office, handwritten by candlelight last week, Eskom committed itself to supplying the nation with electricity "equivalent to that supplied in major industrialised nations such as Bhutan and Chad." According to the report, Eskom was "weeks away" from signing a deal with the Zimbabwean government that would see it stop burning coal and start burning wads of Zimbabwean currency. Speaking to the media at the publication of the report, Eskom spokesman Sparkie Maloi said that the burning of banknotes solved numerous problems. "The new Zimbabwean $10-million note is made of a compound of cow dung, Zambuck, and paraffin-infused blankets, and so it burns hotter and longer than coal," said Maloi. "Also, given the Zimbabwean exchange rate, it's currently cheaper to burn one kilogram of banknotes than one kilogram of coal." He added that if the Harare Mint failed to keep up with supply, Eskom "might start burning the thousands of letters of complaint" the company received every day, but that this option was not sustainable since most letters were sent straight to the company's public relations office, which is currently housed in a dumpster on a nearby landfill. However Maloi was adamant that there was no crisis around energy supply. "South Africans must understand that they currently enjoy a more plentiful and reliable supply of electricity than both the United States and Great Britain combined, in 1840. Both these countries are now world leaders." The press conference was ended early when a blackout curtailed a PowerPoint presentation on how to heat a house using sunlight and a magnifying glass.
