Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out; both were very faithful and loving wives. However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk & walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her p*nties and use them. Her friend, however, was wearing a rather expensive pair of p*nties and did not want to ruin them, but was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business, they proceeded to go home. The next day, one woman's husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These damn girls' night out have got to stop. I'm starting to suspect the worst. My wife came home with no panties." "You think that's bad" said the other husband, "Mine is lying in bed with a card stuck in her a*s that says: "From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you."
Little Johnny mistakenly enters his parents' bedroom and sees his mother on her hands and knees with his father giving it to her from behind and slapping her on the ass. He sees Johnny and laughs, throws a cushion at him and says, "Get out." A while later the father hears noises coming from Johnny's room and walks in to find Johnny shagging his gran from behind. A shocked father screams," What the hell do you think you're doing?" Johnny replies, "Not so *****ing funny when it's your mom, is it?"
Why females should avoid a girls night out after they are married.... If this does not make you laugh out loud, you have lost your sense of humor. The other night I was invited out for a night with the "girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 Cuckoos MIDNIGHT! The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him "MIDNIGHT"... he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh *****." Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted. (...and whos said a clean joke can't be funny!)