Psycho?

[Russ]

If anyone here is disturbed and needs psychological help, what with the bear market,the bokke getting the bronze medal in the tri-nations, and Kirstie Coventry of Zimbabwe getting more olympic medals than South Africa,please post your problem and I shall help.Superidego will give a second opinion,unless he reads it first in which case he will give a first opinion.All posts will be treated with the strictest confidence.Feel free to post under a suedin..,a soodern...,a tsoodin..,a zooder..., a false name.

[Happy]

Realy confused, should I have a coffee or a smoothie when I go to Wimpy? The problem is much deeper than you might expect, the smoothy represents resources and the coffee represents Industrials. Am I normal?

[YNWA]

Chartman do a diagnosis here.......poolboy potential or pomp mechanic??....apologies Russ & Super

[#4]

Dear doctor. I am currently in a Middle East country, where all the men wear dresses. I am starting to find them sexy. Is this normal?

[Russ]

Hullo Happy.Your choice of name is a defence mechanism to mask your low self-esteem.You do not have to tell me that you are confused. Smoothies and coffee both give a brief mental lift but soon leave one feeling depressed and remorseful.If you have an impulse control problem and feel a build-up of tension if you are not drinking, then smoothies and coffee are both ok but please take small sips,don't gulp.You are otherwise normal but should avoid any eatery whose name starts with "Wimp".This will do nothing for your self-esteem.Be proud of who you are.

[bulletjie_1]

Brilliant Dr Russ. I am letting go of the Wimpy...

[Russ]

Hi Gravy,let's not skirt the issue-are you male or female?If male, then your feelings are quite normal (at least in the Middle East).If female,what are you doing in a place where there are no real men? This is not normal.

[barry_1]

Dear Doc,i keep telling blond jokes,although i know it can be harmful to my health,as for instance:-There was a blond that was sick of blond jokes ,so she dyed her hair brunette.She is one day riding along a road and comes across a shepard and a flock of sheep.She asks the shepard if she guesses the number of sheep can she have one.He says yes.She blurts out 352 sheep.He is astounded as it is the correct number and tells her to choose one.She chooses the cutest one and loads it into the car.He then asks her if he can guess the original colour of her hair, can he have his sheep dog back?

[#9]

I also need help. My problem is that I'm very shy, so I can never tell anyone my problems. Could you please tell me what my problem is and how to fix it. I have another problem too, which is that I never take anyone's advice, even when I know that it is good advice.

[Brazen]

Dear Russ - yesterday I would have gone short when the market was up 1200 points and made a lot of money. I was unable to do this and now feel a violent and murderous rage towards those responsible. I would like to put on my Matrix outfit and shoot a lot of people in a bank. Even some cyclists. Is this normal?

[Russ]

I can see that my surgery is rather crowded.I have to leave for a while but I promise I will reply to each and every one of you, at least those of you who have paid up front-I care about all of you.

[Brazen]

Charlatan.

[Russ]

Hullo Brazen.Your anger is quite normal but you will not find any cyclists in the bank.You need a break.I suggest a trip to the Middle East where you will meet a lot of dark handsome men wearing dresses.If you disguise yourself as a man you will have a lot of fun.

[#14]

now that's interesting , i have exactly the same psychological problem as Brazen :-))))

[Russ]

Yes Timato,my first bit of advice,which is good advice,is to continue being shy and not tell me what your problem is.

[Russ]

Hi Barry.We all have a need to lighten up (excuse the pun) and have fun.This is what blondes do (blondes have more fun).Telling blonde jokes is a way of having fun vicariously though the blonde in our jokes.This is quite normal.But choosing the sheepdog-jees,you need help.

[schizo]

dear dr russ are you allowed to prescribe?

[Russ]

Yes,Schizo,the medication I prescribe can be obtained in any dark alley,rave club or at splashy fen.Everything is above board.

[#19]

Dear Dr. Russ:, I am writing to tell you my problem. It seems I have married a sex maniac. For the past 12 years he makes love to me regardless of what I am doing. I can be ironing, cooking, cleaning, sweeping, cleaning the cat box, etc. He just comes right at me and won't be dissuaded for any reason. I would like to know if there is anything that ucnn hlp m wth f unothel gothsl ehj fpslth3/ o,, fjsl; (o ------ . lp sld mpskdlli

[Copper]

Dear Dr Russ. I have a penchant for losing money in the stockmarket. I got into SOL at 363 and have soiled myself since 10am today. I predict further bouts of superflous bowel activity in the coming days. At first these were entertaining, however loss of control over ones intestinal fortitude has proven to be unacceptable among certain social circles. Please recommend therapy... pharmacological or otherwise