An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She's chatting it up with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful, blood Curdling screams. Don't worry about that,'says St. Peter,'It's only someone having the holes drilled into her shoulder blades for the wings.' The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. A few minutes later, there is more blood curdling screams. 'Oh my Goodness,' says the old lady, 'now what is happening?' 'Not to worry,' says St. Peter, 'she's just having her head drilled to fit the halo.' 'I can't do this,' says the old lady, 'I'm going to hell.' 'You can't go to that nasty place,' says St. Peter. 'You'll be raped and taken advantage of.' 'Maybe so,' says the old lady, but I've already got the holes for that.'
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. Terry had married a woman from Greece . He bragged that he had told his wife she needed to do all the dishes and housework. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away. Jimmie had married a woman from Italy .. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table. The third man had married a South African girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, laundry and ironing twice a week, lawns mowed, windows cleaned and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, just enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and call a handyman. God Bless South African Women. Enjoy the weekend Guys/Gals.
A man was trying to persuade a biologist to stop his genetic engineering experiments. Eventually the man said: I am growing weary and becoming ho***** whilst trying to persuade you. The biologist disagreed saying:You can only become horse with genetic engineering introduced at birth.
The South African tourist website came up with some witty answers to questions posed by overseas posts. 1 Q.Will i be able to see elephants in JHB.A.Depends how much u been drinking!....2 How many ATM(automatic teller machines) are there in JHB,CT,Durb.A. What did your last slave die of?....3 Q. Can i walk following the rail track from DRB to CT following the rail track?A. Its two thousand miles ,so take plenty of water!....4 Q.i never see rain in SA ,how do your plants grow A.We import them fully grown and then just sit and watch them die.
Two okes talking about how bad the recession really is. Says the one, it's so bad women are actually marrying for love again! Responds the other - It's so bad I've lost half of my assets but still have my wife!