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Santa Claus Rally

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( The latest news from our reporters on the ground) "Apparently Santa's sleigh ride has suffered a number of mishaps including two striking reindeer who left their positions protesting that if bankers could get huge bonuses then why should they also not receive them ( something to do with arguments around when they are to receive their lichen bonus?) All this has been made worse by the fact that Santa has reported a loss of light in RUDOLPH'S nose occasioned by the fact that even at altitude Rudolph is now overheating and has had to turn his nose down - something to do with global warming its said? Moreover he is debating whether without that light he can fly over RSA - something to do with possible power outages? The problems he has been experiencing have been made worse by the fact that it now appears that up to 1 in 4 of his elves have what is starting to look like an ongoing problem with gluhwein and this is in turn is leading to the problem that many presents seemingly lack addresses or are shoddily wrapped so that delivery becomes very difficult and some people have even received the wrong presents with the wrong names on them - and this happening in public has caused consternation!!! All this has meant the expected Santa Claus rally has looked more and more like becoming a remote possibility. Santa who has stress concerns has refused to come out of his office to talk to the crowds now gathering - chanting "Santa must fly". ( As soon as we have more to tell you we will report further ) ( Apologies, Zapiro, and others - you can work out - and Oh! good luck Mr Barnes! )
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